YOUR DREAM WOMAN By Jolly Nemi

God never give any man a finished woman, you will never find the woman you are looking for gentle men, God will always give a man the raw material, His Job is to cultivate her into the woman that he dream of, that’s why you will never find the woman you are looking for. 

This is where a lot of men make mistake, they keep saying I married the wrong woman, No the woman you are looking for, is trapped in the one you are married to, your job is to bring her out of that woman. You are a cultivator, that means you are suppose to produce the woman that you are dreaming of. Just like Jesus, He is a great Husband, the bible says husband love your wives even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, watch this, he cleans her, take away every wrinkle, every damage every pain, every sin and then he presented her unto himself as a reigning bride, he didn’t present it to his father he present it to himself, that means he is proud of what he did. 

A good man is a cultivator, he cultivate his woman, I promise you man, you will never find the woman you are looking for, God will give you the raw material and you to work on that woman until she becomes everything you think in your 'head'.

The woman in your head does not exist, she is hidden in the woman you are married, but you got to bring her out. That’s why a lots of women are frustrated because men are going about looking for this ''idea woman''. You are to cultivate the woman you marry into what you are looking for.

Just Friends …?

Nicole was beautiful, vibrant, and single. She enjoyed life and loved God. Occasionally, she was approached by interesting, single men, but never felt a serious connection with any of them, until she met Jeremy. Their chemistry was evident. As they grew closer, she began to envision a future with him.

  To Nicole, being with Jeremy was like a fairy tale—a dream that had become reality. He was gentle, attentive, and kind; not to mention, she was extremely attracted to him. They dated for three months, but then dating turned into hanging out (sexually involved). By the time they had known each other for a year, they were inseparable, but had never discussed the status of their relationship.
“I love him, Miranda,” she told her best friend one evening. “I know he’s the one.” Nicole decided it was time to get married, and that night, she would initiate the discussion.

The Friend Zone

Are you dating? If your answer is complex, you are not alone. Many singles struggle with dating issues, particularly when the terms of their relationships are unclear. In some cases, one party defines the relationship as a “friendship,” while the other feels absolutely certain that he or she is entering a committed, romantic relationship.
For Christians, it is especially risky to blur the line between the two. Emotional attachments form quickly and can be very hard to break. When it comes to avoiding dating traps, establishing honesty and boundaries, every step of the way, is the safest policy. Here are some tips for positive dating experiences:

• Develop friendships. Avoid making romantic gestures or putting yourself in compromising situations, even if you are attracted to the other person.
• Get acquainted. Get to know a person through group outings or in other comfortable settings. The way we behave around our friends reveals a lot about our true personalities.
• Look beyond the physical. Do not assume he or she is “the one” just because of physical attraction. Give your friendship time to develop.
• Don’t assume anything. Get to know a person and his or her intentions before you begin to envision him or her as your mate. For example, if the man you are dating has not proposed to you with an engagement ring, do not start planning your wedding!
• Make a decision. Determine what you want from a particular relationship and refuse to compromise your standards.
• Be honest. Let your friend or potential mate know your intentions and never take advantage of, mislead, or use another person.
• Don’t linger. If someone is not interested in you, move on. God knows what you want and what you need.
• Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your decisions. He knows what is best!                                                              

(c) Taffi Dollar

Til Death Do You Part Is Long, Long Time. by Creflo Dollar

 

If you’re over 25 and single, chances are you’ve felt the pressure. Maybe it’s come from well-meaning parents, overly eager for grandchildren. Maybe it has come from friends who think that because they’re married, you should be too.
Maybe you’ve felt pressured by your own insecurities as you have wondered, What’s wrong with me? Is it the way I wear my hair? Am I too fat? Too skinny? Why am I not married yet?
If you’re unmarried and starting to get frantic about it…stop. Take the next few minutes, climb out of the pressure cooker and take an honest look at what a mate can and can’t do for you. By doing so you might well avoid one of the greatest catastrophes life can bring—a bad marriage.
As a pastor I can tell you Christians are being trapped in such marriages all the time. They’re marrying the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. They’re being deceived by marriage myths that have left them disappointed, disillusioned and all too often, divorced.

Myth #1: The Loneliness Cure

The first myth is the belief that marriage will put an end to loneliness. One single woman deceived by this myth, wrote: “I can’t think of anything I hate more than being alone. Everywhere I turn I see couples. Couples on TV, couples in cars, couples on planes, couples in restaurants, couples in parks, couples...couples...couples. Everywhere there are reminders that I am alone. I wonder if I will ever find a person to fill that hole in my heart.”
Child of God, if you ever find yourself thinking like that, warning signals should start flashing in your mind because you’re expecting something from marriage it never can give you. Marriage is not the cure-all for human loneliness. There are many desperately lonely married people who can vouch for that.
You see God created human beings to yearn for two levels of relational intimacy. Granted, one of them is the yearning for an honest and trusting relationship with a friend or marriage partner. But the second one is far greater. It’s the yearning to enter an authentic, growing relationship with God.
We’ve been putting too much emphasis on meeting a mate, believing that mate will fill the hole in our hearts. But they can’t do it. A mate might fill space in our houses, but they can’t fill the hole in our hearts.

Only Jesus can fill our hearts.

It’s fine to date someone, but that person is not the loneliness cure. Jesus is your cure. So the dating relationship should direct both of you—as individuals—to an increasing intimacy in your relationship with God. As He becomes stronger in your lives individually, then you’ll have a completeness you have never before experienced.
In John 10:10 Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Remember this: Only Jesus can give you abundant life. Only He can give you a life so full that it puts loneliness behind you forever. That curly headed cutie who catches your eye can’t do that for you.
So before you plunge into a relationship with expectations that never can be met, plunge into the depths of your relationship with Jesus Christ. Build a solid foundation in Him.

                                                     

Myth #2: The Life Preserver

The second myth many people believe about marriage is that it will heal their broken hearts. A person who is hurting may think, If I can just find a mate, I’ll feel better. If that’s what you think, then think again. A man or woman who is drowning in emotional pain and latches on to marriage as a life preserver is opening the door for disaster. I’ve seen it time and again. One day the life-preserving spouse will stand up and say, “Please just back off and give me some space!” The pain-filled spouse will interpret that request as another round of rejection, neglect or abuse. When they react to that threat, chaos will break out in the marriage.
Healthy marriages cannot be built on foundations of brokenness. Spouses cannot heal broken, messed-up hearts. Only Jesus can do that kind of heart surgery.
Therefore if you’re hurting, if you’re plagued with feelings of inferiority and fears of being abandoned, don’t cling to a person. Cling to Jesus. Develop a personal relationship with Him, and you’ll find He is the best companion and lover you could ever have. He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
You don’t need that unemployed, cocaine-using boyfriend who’s been abusing you. You don’t need that girlfriend who criticizes and belittles you. Kick those heartbreakers out of your life and get hooked up to Jesus. He’ll take care of you.

Myth #3: Happily Ever After

The third and perhaps most common myth to beware of is this: Marriage will make me happy. Countless singles fall for that lie. He or she may think, I’m not content now as a single, but if I can get married, I’ll be content. After all, I’ll have my wife, a fireplace and a wonderful life. We’ll get cozy on the couch, listen to Lou Rawls records and live happily ever after.
You know what I would say to that? Wake up! An unhappy single equals an unhappy marriage. An angry single equals an angry marriage. A dissatisfied single equals a dissatisfied marriage. Whatever you are when you are single, that’s what you’ll be when you’re married because marriage does not produce life or character transformation. Jesus transforms. The Word of God transforms. But marriage does not. It will not transform you and it will not transform the one you marry. If your boyfriend is a frog before you marry him, he’ll be a frog after you marry him. Saying “I do” won’t turn him into a prince.
Character changes are produced by the inner work of the Holy Spirit independently of one’s marital status. Whether you’re married or single, if changes need to be made within your heart, they will have to be made by meditating on God’s Word, acting on that Word, and being yielded to the Holy Spirit. There is no other way to get the job done.

Take Your Time

“OK, Pastor Dollar, I’m ready,” you say. “I have a solid relationship with Jesus. He’s healed my broken heart. I’m happy, healthy and I want to get married. Do you have any other words of wisdom for me?”
Yes, when you choose a mate be absolutely sure to obey the instructions God gives in II Corinthians 6:14-15: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?”
In other words, only marry a believer. Unpopular though it sometimes may be among singles, that is a requirement of God. Keep it without compromise
If you’re dating a man who is “kind of saved,” who drinks a little and smokes a little and cusses a little, then get rid of him until he gets delivered from that little bit of stuff he’s been doing. You don’t need to marry into that mess. You wait until he gets “real saved” before you marry him.
Even then don’t rush into anything. Take time to observe that potential mate very carefully. They are not always what they appear to be. Just because they say they’re a Christian, don’t automatically believe it.
The Bible says you’ll know Christians by the fruit they bear. So let that boyfriend or girlfriend bear some fruit first. Then give it time and see if that fruit lasts. Don’t say, “Well he bore fruit last week so we’ll get married the next!”
No, I advise you to give it at least one year. If that boy is still opening doors for you and sending flowers, if he’s still concerned about you and hasn’t pressured you into sexual activity after a year, reel him in because he’s a good catch! If that girl is still talking sweetly to you and treating you with respect after she’s been seeing you a year, set the wedding date, because she’s the one you’ve been praying for God to send.
Finally as Colossians 3:15 says, “let the peace from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts” (The Amplified Bible). Next to making Jesus your Lord, choosing a mate is the most monumental decision you’ll ever make. So don’t do anything unless God’s peace in your heart tells you it’s safe.
Let Him direct you. Never jump ahead of Him. Relax and let God bring that right person to you in His own way. Don’t get in a hurry and make a mistake. After all, “till death do you part” is a long, long time.

Finding “The One” You Are to Marry

Loving Jesus must be your number one priority in life if you’re going to become the kind of person God wants you to become and be able to give and receive love in your marriage the way you should. So reach out to Jesus with all of your heart, devoting the best of your time and energy to pursuing a closer relationship with Him. Place your relationship with Jesus at the center of your life and revolve everything else around it.

Find your “two.” If you’re not yet married and are looking for a spouse, search for a spouse carefully, in ways that honor God. [For gals, you may want to read the Boundless.com article, Pulling a Rebekah.]

Don’t even consider marrying someone who’s not a Christian because you can’t ever truly be compatible with someone who doesn’t share your spiritual connect with Jesus, and marrying a non-Christian can only bring misery into your life that will grow.

Beyond choosing a person who’s a Christian, you should also look for someone who shares common interests with you, whose personality fits well with yours, and to whom you’re physically attracted. Don’t rush the process, and don’t settle for less than God’s best for you simply to marry by a certain time.

Move a relationship with a potential spouse through first gear. In first gear, when your relationship with a potential future spouse is just beginning, work to get to know each other well and build a strong foundation of friendship. Rather than spending time alone, try to spend most of your time together with groups of people. If your discover that you’re not interested in taking the relationship to the next gear, then don’t lead the other person on; be honest about how you feel to avoid hurting that person more deeply later on.

Move a relationship with a potential spouse through second gear. In second gear, as you sense God blessing your friendship, you can spend more time alone together. But continue to guard your heart, and avoid discussing marriage at this point. However, ask yourself questions like:

“Is this person becoming more like Christ?”
“Does this person have a strong and growing character?”
“Does this person have the right kind of friends?”
“Is this person responsible —financially, relationally, emotionally, intellectually?”
“Is our attraction increasing?”
“Are we helping each other grow closer to God, rather than drawing each other away from Him?”

If the person you’re dating isn’t helping you move closer to God or isn’t right for you, break up with him or her as soon as you know.

Move a relationship with a potential spouse through third gear. In third gear, you should discuss the possibility of getting married and explore it with the help of prayer, advice from mentors, getting to know each other’s families, and talking openly about how each of you have been both hurt and helped in life and what dreams each of you are hoping will come true in your lives. Don’t hesitate to break up if God isn’t clearly leading the two of you to get married; it’s better to end the relationship (and grieve and heal) before making a lifetime commitment than to marry when you know you shouldn’t.

Move into fourth gear: engagement. If it’s clear to you both that marriage is where God is leading your relationship, then set a wedding date. But use the time during your engagement to plan your marriage —not just your wedding. Participate in premarital counseling, and discuss issues about which you’ll have to make decisions about together in married life, like: career choices, where you’ll live once you’re married, how you’ll share and manage your finances, your philosophy for bearing and raising children, which church you’ll be a part of together, and how you plan to grow spiritually together.

Continue to protect your sexual purity during your entire engagement until you’re actually married, so you can enjoy God’s best during your marriage. The fifth gear is marriage itself!

Pursue sexual purity. Keep in mind that you can’t have premarital sex without consequences (physical, emotional, and spiritual), so your future marriage will be affected in significant ways if you and your future spouse have sex before your wedding. Realize that you can’t have premarital sex without intimacy, either, since God designed sex to develop intimacy between people, so if you end up breaking up with the person you had sex with it, the breakup will hurt badly.

Ask God to help you make and keep a commitment to abstain from sexual behavior of any kind until your wedding night. You’ll gain many benefits if you do, including trust between you and your spouse (if you compromise sexually before marriage, you may compromise after marriage by having affairs) and an exciting sex life (that you’ll never have to compare to the thrill of dangerous sex before marriage and are free to build with real intimacy between you). Set clear boundaries of behavior in your relationship to guard your sexual purity (such as no sleepovers) and ask some trusted friends to hold you both accountable to respect those boundaries.

Identify sins and wounds and pursue repentance and healing. Both you and the person you’re considering marrying need to confess sins to God regularly, repent of them, and accept God’s forgiveness and strength to make better decisions. You all should also talk honestly with God and each other about the emotional wounds you’ve suffered in life, and seek God’s healing for them, perhaps through Christian counseling. This will help you both begin married life as healthy as possible.

Keep passion alive after you’re married. Every new day that God gives you and your spouse during your marriage, pursue each other like you did when you were dating, seeking to learn something new about each other, and nurture the passion and deepen the intimacy between you. Don’t keep sins or secrets from each other; confess them to each other and pray for each other regularly.

Submit to God together. Rather than trying to convince each other to make decisions that either you want or that your spouse wants, commit to seeking God’s will together regularly and basing your decisions on the guidance He gives you. Learn how to pray together, listen carefully to each other and to God, and work through conflicts with love and respect.

This article is adapted from the book, Love, Sex, and Happily Ever After: Preparing for a Marriage That Goes the Distance, written by Craig Groeschel, published by WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing. “Craig Groeschel’s practical book should be a mandatory read for anyone who wants to be happily married someday. It is a rare author who can lead you into some very challenging places and have you laughing out loud while he does it” -Shaunti Feldhahn, nationally syndicated columnist and best-selling author of For Women Only.

Agape - No Strings Attached By Lia Fuller O'Neil

Love. It's such a simple word. And such a complex emotion. Even when we desire to love in a simple, uncomplicated way, love has a way of twisting itself back on us, catching us unawares. It's not easy to keep the different kinds of love, the different kinds of relationships, in their proper contexts. Even when we desire with our whole hearts to pursue love it is often very difficult to keep from falling in love.
Love does not like to sit still while we neatly pigeonhole it. There are an infinite number of ways we can love people, art, nature, and God. The lines may be fairly easy to see in some kinds of love, but the lines differentiating the love for a friend and the love for a lover are extraordinarily complex.

The goal or result of love is not always marriage. God, judging from the way he set things up in Eden, and the way he made us physically, no doubt intends most of us to be married, but that’s not to say that loving friendships between men and women aren’t also good and right.

Sometimes our feelings fall totally on one side of the line or the other, but more often I've found the differences to be quantitative rather than qualitative. In other words, it's not the kind of love that differs so much as the degree. The deep but unromantic affection we can feel for a friend (which we may call phileo), can very easily be transformed into a compelling, dramatic, romantic love (eros) with appallingly little rhyme or reason. There doesn't seem to be a way for us to tell our hearts to switch gears, or to stop our feelings at a certain point. Our affection for a friend and our romantic love for a lover both issue from the same spring. 

When someone starts discovering our spirit and heart in the pursuit of love, spends time with us, gives of himself or herself; becomes involved in our life, we sometimes can't help falling in love in the process of growing to love, even when we are pursuing love with a pure heart.
That's all right if the other person is also falling in love. But what if he isn't? What if he's still operating within the context of phileo love? With all our good intentions about pursuing love, what are we to do when eros starts to eclipse phileo in our hearts?
If we understand where our friend's heart is at, we probably don't even want the intense feelings of eros to develop, knowing that it will just make things difficult. It often makes the continuation of the friendship virtually impossible, even though we really desire to be free from the pressures of those kind of feelings and to return to the easiness and the freedom of phileo. But what on earth are we to do with those emotions?
Can we suppress them and get back to the easy relationship we used to have? Do we just stop seeing our friend because it's too painful? Do we weep and rage and get bitter because he or she made us fall in love and had no intention of following through on it? Do we just hold it all inside and try to pretend it isn't there so we don't scare him away? What do we do?
First of all, if it is true that our love is based on a quantitative rather than a qualitative foundation, to hope that we can banish eros in favor of phileo is not very realistic. Once our care has grown beyond an affection to a deeper love, how are we suddenly going to empty out some of that feeling unless we lie to ourselves? (We can do that simply by trying to make ourselves believe that we don't really care that much, or by dwelling on his or her faults and weaknesses in a way that's totally out of proportion. Needless to say, it's a very unhealthy, unloving way to solve the problem, but it's also quite common.) And the other alternative, to stop seeing each other, is certainly one way to avoid the problem, but not solve it, or grow from it, or learn whatever the Lord is trying to teach either of us through it.
A related problem enters the picture here because we're all so conditioned to the "love-and-marriage" syndrome. That is, that they're supposed to go together, especially in the Christian ethic where marriage is the only legitimate option beyond friendship. From there we have sometimes made the mistake of thinking that it is the only legitimate option for people who respect, care for, and love each other.
Instead of relaxing in the knowledge that it is perfectly possible for a man and a woman to have great respect for each other, to care deeply about each other and even to love each other without getting married, we get a mite over-anxious, perhaps, about the "Is this the one?" question. And that produces that "weirdness" which results from expectations — expectations of having the relationship lead somewhere, of being loved, of being fulfilled, of being cherished and cared for in a special way. These expectations rob a relationship of spontaneity and unselfconsciousness; they make us terribly preoccupied with ourselves and an imagined, even planned — for — future; they rob us of the freedom to enjoy each other with true agape love. And as soon as expectations start taking over our minds, the pursuit of love is doomed, because at that point we are no longer seeking the other person's total good, but seeking our own satisfaction. (1 am talking here about expectations which arise out of one's o wn selfish desires-in spite of communication between the two and the tenor of their relationship. If one of them is leading the other on, however, or being less than honest and straightforward about his or her feelings and intentions, that is another situation entirely.)
The key to the solution of this problem lies not in our fighting the fact that we love someone, not in trying to love less in order to get back to phileo but in trying to love more, to get beyond eros to agape, the kind of love the Lord has for us. The exciting and beautiful thing about agape love is finding out that you truly can love someone very deeply and yet allow him complete freedom to respond to you in whatever way God leads him to respond.

This type of relationship demands a kind of freedom that is impossible when we are bound by expectations. It requires a love that isn't concerned with the fulfillment of our own ends. This in turn requires trusting God to fulfill those needs.

The goal or result of love is not always marriage. God, judging from the way he set things up in Eden, and the way he made us physically, no doubt intends most of us to be married, but that's not to say that loving friendships between men and women aren't also good and right. We don't love just one person during our lives; we love many, in varying degrees and in many ways. Love is not a rein sum game in which the more we love one the less we can love others. Rather, the more we learn how to love one the more we are able to love others.
We need to legitimize love between men and women who don't feel the Lord is leading them into marriage. (I am definitely not using love here to include sexual love.) We need to understand that it is all right to love a friend. Such friends often help to fill those deep needs for love and affection before we do find that one person we'd like to marry. And that's OK. That's what we're here for — to help each other out, to love each other as Christ loves us.
But this type of relationship demands a kind of freedom that is impossible when we are bound by expectations. It requires a love that isn't concerned with the fulfillment of our own ends. This in turn requires trusting God to fulfill those needs.
What it comes down to, then, is, first of all, how much do we really love that person? Do we love to the point that we want him to be part of our life, that we need him in order to be fulfilled and happy? Or do we love him enough that we want him to be happy, even if it means without us? Do we love him so much that we think we'll die without him? Whose interests are we seeking to serve — his or ours? How much do we really love him? Enough to pray that God would send him the right woman to be his mate, even if it might turn out to he someone else? Enough to put concern for his happiness above our concern to have our own needs fulfilled? Isn't that what Jesus would do?
And what kind of love is it, really? Is it the love that bubbles forth from a full vessel, a vessel overflowing with the love which pours through us from the Lord? Or is it a result of our own lack of spiritual fruit, so that we look to someone else to give us love, joy, and peace, rather than looking to God? If it's that kind of love we won't be able to truly pray for our friend's complete happiness — we'll be too concerned for our own. That kind of love is born not only of a lack within ourselves but of a lack of trust in God.
So the next concern is, how much do we trust God? Do we really trust him to supply all our needs? Do we trust his love for us and his knowledge of what the absolute best is for us, as well as for the one we love?
To the degree that we trust God and allow him to direct our lives and our relationships, we can be free from the leech of expectations and free to let the Lord love that person through us. And the degree to which we yield ourselves as vessels, allowing him to fill us with his life and his love, allowing him to transform us into his likeness — to that degree, and that degree only, will we be able to love with true agape love.
And if we can trust him, if we can yield, we can then pray wholeheartedly for our friend's happiness, secure in the knowledge that God is going to fulfill all our needs (not necessarily all our wants), and we don't have to depend on a person to do it. We can say with our whole being, "I love you, and there are no strings. I just want to be around to support you in whatever way you and the Lord want me to. I want to pray for you, share your burdens and be involved in your life because I love you, but I'm not expecting anything from you. I simply and truly want to see you happy and fulfilled." That is the pursuit of agape love. That is serving rather than being served, and loving rather than being loved.

---

Originally published by Discovery Publishing, the publications ministry of Peninsula Bible Church, Palo Alto California. Visit at www.pbc.org/dp/index.html. Used by Permission.

---